I would be a complete liar if I said I wasn’t eating right now (because aren’t I always?). In fact, I am currently bundled up in a blanket and a jacket (I just drank a glass of iced gatorade and i haven’t showered from my run so I have wet sweaty clothes on), eating a (pepperoni) Hot Pocket because I needed some warm food in my system (there are also Welch’s fruit snacks all across my keyboard because you never know when you need some fruitspiration). In fact I probably need some fruitspiration right now but it seems I’m all out. I ate them all before I could even start writing (that was three little packages (YES I broke the Welch’s cleanse (I was a Welch’s addict for a while there))). And now after my Welch’s binge and Hot Pocket, I now feel like those five miles never happened, but such is life.
To recap my week, I had a complete mental breakdown last Wednesday.
Wednesday was only my second day of school.
I was tired, I needed to order my books, I couldn’t focus in my classes (I could only think about how hard it was to learn and obtain information and OH DEAR GOD HOW AM I GOING TO MAKE IT TO DECEMBER?!), I looked a mess, I had to go to work, I wanted to sleep in, I wanted to hang out with my friends (but I couldn’t because of school (and work)), my thighs had chafed (an awful combination of my running shorts rubbing between my fleshy thighs, and my jean shorts that I wore to class (in the two billion degree sweltering August heat)), my left eyelash job was clumpy three days in a row (I am a mascara addict), and basically, I was a mental mess. I was already thinking about the polsci quiz I had the next week and HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO PASS IF I HATED POLSCI? So I came home, and I cried (and napped) and cried and dreaded Friday, seeing that the only silver lining was that I got out a little earlier on Friday.
So Friday morning I (literally) dragged myself out of bed and into the shower, went to school and managed to make it through the day. I had to stop for coffee afterwards because (okay, okay, I may or may not have only slept for an hour and a half the night before (sometimes I don’t know my limits)) I was falling asleep in class and wasn’t sure I would make it through work (I did). I had that sort of hazy feeling you get when you are so tired that your brain stops wanting to function. (Have you ever had that happen before?) It’s like you hear what people are saying but you hear all the words come out soooooooo sloooowwwwlly, and you try your hardest to form a response (huh! (to laugh), huh. (to acknowledge that you heard, huh? (because your brain didn’t cooperate with that one so you really did miss it)) but it comes out slow and everything is unfocused and you are just so ready to collapse. That was me last Friday. I completely collapsed and KO’ed around eleven o’ clock that night (not even at my own house) and I managed to make it through the weekend (even though I did give my shift away on Sunday for no good reason except for the fact that I didn’t want to work).
So for four long days it was like nothing else existed besides me and all my problems (I still had all my school stresses weighing me down and I was reaching my limit). But on Wednesday (yesterday), when I went back to school ( with the same “I hate everyone and everything but mostly school” attitude) something in me changed. I dreaded my polsci class for fear of failing my first quiz, and actually, I got a solid seventy on it. One point passed passing and I had gone in completely dry (next time I promise I will try to do the reading (haha but okay let’s get real I’m not sure if that’s likely (if you’re not in college, I do not recommend coming to me for study tips (I am not the best example))). Can you believe that?! I actually passed. So when I exited this class nice and triumphant (and okay a little embarrassed because my group and I forgot to write our names on our paper), I couldn’t help but look at school a little more positively. It was already 11:45 and I had already been to two classes. Halfway through the day, I’d be done. And then i had the world at my fingertips! (Okay, I went home and napped for an hour and then laid around doing nada enchilada before I went to go hang out with a cute boy (that’s right a cute boy, how exciting) but the point is that I had the world at my fingertips and the fact that I did not utilize it does not even matter because cute boys > other stuff, right?) This is when I thought, HEY! These classes are literally ONLY 50 MINUTES LONG! I can listen for 50 minutes right? (Or at least I can try my best.)
And even though I keep making the poor decision to stay up unreasonably late the day before I have to wake up unreasonably early, these last two weeks haven’t actually been that tough (heck, I’m already at Friday again (and okay I have a 4 to close shift that I am definitely not looking forward to but at least it’s still friday)). And actually I am currently doing that thing where I am staying up unreasonably late right now (I have school early in the morning tomorrow and I actually have a quiz that I have yet to study for and I am currently blogging because I feel like at 19, you are supposed to make poor life decisions like this one).
The good thing about all this is that I should not be due for another mental breakdown until at least late September (and now we wait). The other good thing is that even though I still have to shower and study and all that important stuff, I at least wrote in my blog, and if this is what might make me famous then this a good thing (ya know, cause I’m working on my career). (And now we wait again for some fame-o magazine to discover my blog and realize that I am this perfectly ordinary girl who relates to all other ordinary girls (and who is also so cool and funny) and wants to buy my blog (and me) or recruit me to their staff for a nice pretty penny so I can quit college and live my (so cool) life as a writer (that’s the dream, folks).)
In other news, my eyelids are getting heavy, and despite my wanting to write more insightful knowledge that you will benefit from and love me for, I do feel like I must go. My stomach feels a little relieved of that Hot Pocket and those fruit snacks, so it’s about time I bid thee farewell (though let’s get real I am likely going to stay awake for two more hours even though it will be totally unnecessary and stupid). If I had to close out today with some knowledge i would definitely have to give you this Laura’s Life Lesson #4: sleep, and sleep well (because really, your manager might decide he hates you and schedule you all weekend and you’ll really regret that one day you only slept for that one hour and that other day you accidentally only slept for two hours, and–dear Lord, look at those bags under your eyes.)