WWAD?

Of course, now that I’m actually here, I have no idea how to put this in to words.

I’m going to let you in on a little secret.

It’s weird (maybe, I think, possibly, I’m not sure (but then again I’ve been described as weird for going on 9 years now(that would be since I was 11 for the guy who is bad at math))).  There is a story I’ve been playing out in my head for the last fourteen years of my life and I know most of you can’t even remember what you had for breakfast yesterday, or what you did on Friday of last week, but I remember.  I remember details.  So I remember watching the movie Wish Upon a Star when I was five years old, coming across it one night on Disney Channel (when I stayed up past 10 (GASP) because we were being babysat) and then I never saw of it again (until I googled endlessly and bought it online when I turned like fourteen).  I specifically remember this because Alex, the main character of the story in my head is played by, none other than, the young Katherine Heigl.  Her life is awesome.

She’s tall, she’s beautiful and extremely talented: smart, a dancer, a cheerleader, a volleyball player (her height helps) and she’s an amazing soccer player. Her best friend is Kaitlynn (the older Hilary Duff) whose brother is (also) Andrew (Jesse McCartney circa 2005) and whom Alex is supposed to fall in love with and does, several times throughout the eight years of her life and fourteen years of mine. She started at fifteen and then had her sixteenth birthday party with her best friend.  They wore matching red dresses and pigtails (because I was like seven years old and that’s what I thought was cool for teenagers to do, (later as a teenager, I told myself Alex had an awkward stage just like everyone else)) and that was the night Andrew finally realized how awesome she was. She’s had four serious boyfriends: the on again off again Andrew, the cute guy with curly hair and braces, Justin (a guy i saw in an ad in M magazine when I was 10 and have yet to discover who he is (and I’ve never seen the ad again)), the skater boy Ryan (Ryan Sheckler (shaved head era)) who is her step brother’s best friend and Nick (AS IN NICK JONAS, he was a year younger than her but she didn’t care).

Alex’s mom is the fabulous Heidi Klum but she’s a designer and not a model and she was married to David Beckham (hence the amazing soccer skills), but David Beckham and Heidi got divorced and David remarried Jennifer Love Hewiit who already had a son Chace (as in Chace Crawford (I threw him in the mix when I first saw the Gossip Girl commercials (I couldn’t watch Gossip Girl, but I could at least put him in my story right?)).  Alex has walked in some of her mom’s shows and has awesome soccer abilities to show for her dad’s side.  She got into Notre Dame (the school I wanted to get into but got waitlisted, but at least Alex got in right?) and basically she’s all around the most awesome person. Once, Justin died in a car crash, but I erased that when it was too tragic and made Andrew get into a crash instead, and he survived with a broken leg.

I write her story in my head late at night right before I go to bed and I realized just the other day that Alex was this model person who i created who I wanted to be (okay so obviously I don’t really want to be a model but you get what I mean).  I thought about the Alex Story more often when I was younger. The middle school age was more where I wrote the most about her.  She was who I wanted to be like in high school. She was (okay I know this is already super embarrassing already so whatever) my role model.  Then, I caught up to Alex and my own high school life took over and Alex was nothing but a distant memory.  But she comes back and we’re about the same age now and semi-often, I keep myself up at night trying to figure out how Andrew is going to reappear in her life and they’re going to live happily ever after. I want it to be awesome and dramatic, but you know, I am also trying to keep her story realistic. And it was just the other day when I was thinking about my life, and where I was going to end up and HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN YOU KNOW THE THINGS YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO JUST KNOW? So then I thought about it (my crisis, which I won’t tell you about because even though I have a big mouth, I’m fairly good at keeping my own secrets muahaha) I actually though What Would Alex Do? Or rather what did Alex do? Because at 22, Alex has pretty much made every important life decision that I’ve come to face (and have yet to decide upon (refer to The Heart Wants What the Heart Wants). Only when I thought about what Alex did I realize that although I would consider myself pretty brave and all,  I would never be brave enough to do anything she’s done (because honestly, I wish you knew her, she’s awesome).

So that’s my secret, for my 8 followers to know. And when I’m in lala-land, chances are, I’m just writing out the Alex movie (or thinking about something else because as I’ve mentioned in previous posts my mind does not stop (yeah it still does that)).  She’s like my security blanket really, because it’s a book or movie really that keeps going, and since it’s not on paper or on film, I can just rewrite it and keep changing it to fit my timeline and when I’m totally bogged down with my own sucky life, I can totally just think of her fabulous one to ignore all my own problems.  It’s cool really.  You should have an Alex. She’s great.

It’s a lame secret. Or maybe you think I’m completely bonkers by now and I care for almost a second that I might seem kinda weird after this but then I think of Alex and she wouldn’t care, so really, I don’t either.

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