APPRECIATION

A-P-P-R-E-C-I-A-T-I-O-N.

APPRECIATION.

I was in my school’s spelling bee as a third grader. I was one of the smart kids, and so was my brother. I was in 3rd and he was in 5th, and over Thanksgiving Break, we were handed a thick packet of words to study (neither one of us glanced at it). And on the following Monday, 30 of the school’s top spellers were seated in the library to see who would move on to the district spelling bee. I was a champion speller in UIL (University Interscholastic League), so I would be a champ spelling bee-er right?

The first boy went up. A fifth greater named Juanito. “Acid. A-S-I-D. Acid.” (Wow what a loser, what fifth grader can’t spell acid?  (this is cocky 8 year old me speaking)). And so the misspellings continued.

Until there were four people left.

Trayvon, Katy, My brother, and me. The only third grader still standing (you can bet your bottom dollar I was feeling pretty haughty about that).

And I go up.

Apology.

APOLOGY. A-P-O-L-I-G-Y. Apology.  And I sat down triumphantly. Only to be told that I was incorrect.

So I got fourth place. Coming in right behind my brother who, without a single care about the competition, placed 3rd. I seethed. I pouted (and when I got home, I cried). And then I went to a UIL meet that Saturday and spelled the heck out of the word PERSUADE. And got first place. And I wish I hadn’t taken that pamphlet of words for granted (that and maybe they shouldn’t teach you to sound out words you don’t know!!!). Because don’t we do that often? Take things for granted. And we don’t appreciate what we have right now. Because we are all too focused on what we could have instead.

So we ignore spelling pamphlets and parents and siblings and teachers and study guides and reviews and optional homework and pizza and people. Oh do we take people for granted.

I wish I could go into detail (oh wait, it’s my own blog! I can!)–so i will.

Once upon a time, a boy broke up with me. And I was sad and I asked  if he was serious (and he was) and then we were over (and this happened a month or so ago). And I’ll be completely honest (as in this a secret and this is never before heard news (as in I told everyone else (in real life) about the break up a different story)), he did it through a text message.

I know, it’s embarrassing. But, really he broke up with me through text ( I thought text message break ups were an 8th grade thing…but I guess what do I know?). And so (the real version), I asked him if he could pick me up from class the next day (i really did need a ride) and that maybe we could talk about it (because I didn’t want it to be over text message), and he said yes. So he picked me up, and we went to Chick-Fil-A (aka heaven on earth..) and we talked about everything BUT us breaking up. So we finished, and he drove me home, and I got down and we haven’t seen each other since (okay…minor lie here: five days ago I asked him to return something I had left at his house and he gave it to me at school and we went our separate ways (but it technically doesn’t count)).

And today, I get a text message. He misses me. He’s thought about it, and he misses me. And he’s been sad since our break up. And not only does he miss me, but he’s sorry. He’s sorry he let me go. And he’s sorry I helped with him when he was going through a rough time and didn’t complain once. And he realizes how great I was. And what a mistake it was to let me go.

I’m not making this up.

It’s the text message every girl waits to get from the boy who let her go (let’s all get real, we all tell ourselves he’ll be sorry (he’ll never have anyone as great as us, he’ll wish he never broke up with us (I’m right, right? I know you’re sitting there knowing I’m so embarrassingly right!))). And I wanted it too. But now, a month later, after receiving this message (right smack in the middle of my three hour class), I can tell you that I wish I hadn’t gotten it.

I hate when people hurt my feelings. I hate when people hurt feelings. I don’t think feelings are meant to be hurt. I think feelings are fragile. Feelings are precious. And feelings are serious. They shouldn’t be messed with.  And how do you, how does anyone get back with someone who hurt their feelings so badly? I also believe in forgiving people. I don’t hold grudges (okay except I’m still super angry at the girl who broke my Gameboy Color in second grade but come on! That’s a grudge worth keeping right??? WTF!). But I couldn’t be with someone I knew had every desire to break up with me before.

All because I was the spelling bee pamphlet to him. I laid there all Thanksgiving Break. When he could have been studying me, learning.

And a month after he lost the spelling bee. He wished he would have appreciated the pamphlet.

I felt bad saying no. But what’s a girl to do?

So, this is advice to you, not a story about me, study your pamphlet for the spelling bee! (The new Dr. Seuss?)

Appreciation.

A-P-P-R-E-C-I-A-T-I-O-N.

Appreciation.

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